Charity should begin at home, but should not stay there. ~ Philip Brooks

You have not lived until you have done something for someone who can never repay you. ~ Anonymous

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BECAUSE IT'S ON THE CALENDAR

Lois Jones

 

 

I need to get this off my chest in the most diplomatic way possible. I realize the world has changed and I, for one, am more aware than ever that just because it’s on the calendar, it doesn’t mean everyone celebrates. Let me speak about Mother’s Day. I had the best of the best when it came to a Mom. This woman definitely moulded me and influenced me to the person that I am today. She worked hard at home as a full-time caregiver, farmer, caterer, nurse, protector, baker, cleaner, teacher, and friend. I hope my offspring can be as appreciative of the Mom I have been to them.
 

Sadly, however, those poor kids of mine have to deal with my idiosyncrasies. As a daughter, I was very diligent to be sure to talk to Mom frequently and send her something periodically, but I always had a card in the mail to her for Mother’s Day. I loved her unconditionally, and she me. Lately, however, I feel oddly strange. I am a weird duck and I know that. It’s hard to put into words what I’m trying to say, but just because it’s on the calendar doesn’t mean everyone celebrates. Not everyone is in a good place with Mother’s Day. Some have been abandoned. Others have been manipulated, verbally abused, or sadly, even physically abused, by the one person that they should have dubbed a hero, like I could. I do not feel guilty for my blessings, nor is this a public cry of sorts to remove a special day for so many from the calendar. It’s just me and my weirdness. Social media plays a lot of havoc on emotions. If you don’t believe me, then put yourself in the shoes of a mom who no longer has her child to hug, cherish, and teach. Or put yourself in the shoes of the child who has lost their Mom too soon, because of illness or circumstance. I will not begin to understand their sadness. Just because it’s on the calendar doesn’t make it celebratory for everyone.  

 

Do NOT misunderstand my ramblings, especially if you are my offspring, as Moms do deserve to have every ounce of love and attention that is awarded to them, but should it only be on the second Sunday in May each year? I am a firm believer that life is fragile, and efforts to make and stay connected should be made daily NOT on certain days. We live in a world where we are supposedly so connected, yet go weeks and months without speaking.

 

Fifteen years ago, this opinion of mine would have never mattered. I wouldn’t have been as aware of others suffering because it wasn’t present in my face. I would have got up, enjoyed breakfast in bed, a day of activity, and usually ended off with a BBQ. What has changed? Then, I wouldn’t check my social media in the morning only to see all the photos, poems, and loving posts, while realizing that in my friend’s lists there are people seeing the same posts that do not have a relationship with their mother. How that must hurt. I have young people that have lost their Mom, I’ve got Moms who have lost their young people, and I’ve got people raising kids because the birth mother abandoned her family. I have people that have alcoholic mothers; where their relationship as a youngster consisted of getting ready for school and drinking Coke for breakfast, while Mom was passed out cold from the night before. Coke was the only thing in the house… breaks my heart. It’s a difficult day for some people.

 

This year, I put forth a challenge to my kids that I would take a raincheque on Mother’s Day so I could spend the day and, maybe just maybe, alleviate some hurts for others, if only for a short time. It is funny how they are programmed, though, because they feel they should be with me on Mother’s Day and I feel every day should be Mother’s Day, hence my week late article on Mother’s Day. I’d be a bit of a hypocrite, don’t you think, if I’d have published my ramblings in the Mother’s Day Issue? Let’s face it, just because it’s on the calendar doesn’t mean it’s a celebration for everyone. Taking any day, or time, and spending it with your Mom is great! And in my weird-thinking head, it is even more special because you chose it, and made the effort; not because it’s on the calendar.

 

My family may not have it very easy, I suppose because of my weird way of thinking, but at least, no matter what their age, I continue to teach and lead by example. I can celebrate any ol’ time; others need a little distraction to get them through the day. Let’s all be more sensitive to that need.

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